Day One : Lost... lost... and err... lost again

Now England has a proud tradition of producing some of the world's greatest explorers... Drake, Cook, Livingstone, Scott to name but a few. However, the name of Tony is unlikely ever to be added to the list. 'Lost in San Francisco' would make a good name for a film and certainly describes our day. A short diversion so that we could ride over the golden gate bridge, which even on a rainy day is an incredible sight, turned into three hours of 'err.. does anyone have a clue where we are' as we got lost trying to get back to the bike shop from whence we started as one of the BMWs was actually a bag of spanners in disguise. The only thing to add is that most of the locals dont have a bloody clue where anywhere is either.

Excitement initially abounded as we collected the bikes and at this point I should note that after months of merciless ridicule over his choice to ride the American equivalent of an Austin Allegro, Andy seems to be having the last laugh as our BMWs appear to have had slightly more than 'one careful owner' whereas his Harley is a beaut (as is Pete's armchair-on-two-wheels Honda Gold Wing). Unfortunately, gloating in a grown man is an unattractive quality and I am sure that at some point I will document that all too familiar sight of a Harley broken down by the roadside.

A simple gentle loosener along the Pacific Coast Highway to Monterey turned into a seven hour trip, though riding along some beautiful roads, some of which we liked so much we went on twice (ok, maybe we should have brought a map). 

The evening passed with peaceful exploration of Monterey's museums and art galleries. Tomorrow we go to Pismo Beach. One road, A to B, what could possibly go wrong....

The boys meet TV celebrity Jezza in Terminal 5...

After a journey down the M40 made all the more pleasurable due to beer, champagne and bacon sarnies (and the fact that Reidy didn't snore his head off) imagine our surprise to bump into one of TV's top talents and social hero to us persecuted rural types, yes, Jeremy 'Top Gear' Clarkson (not looking too healthy admittedly and seen here posing with his latest book) who was happy to chat and share a beer with us.

America watch out... we're on our way (Message to Willi Walsh... thanks mate)

6th member of team warms up for Tour on epic 4000 mile journey home on odd looking motorcycle...

A warm welcome home to Digger, the stray member of our flock who was sensible enough to spend the winter in the Gulf. Terry has been giggling inanely for days now and rubbing his hands together (a la Fagin) at the prospect of Digger's return and we all expect to convene in the usual place on Thursday for Evensong. All welcome. (picture above shows Digger and, well, looks to me like Skeggy beach... you cant see the sea there either)

The Red Lion Singers meet for choir practice...

With a week to go before their epic canoeing trip across the Atlantic (which appears now to be the only method of getting there thanks to the strike) the boys meet to give press and tv interviews and amidst the media scrum (taking place just out of shot) it becomes apparent that the various diets and get fit campaigns have, well, not exactly worked. Some original ideas have been tried... Reidy's 'Pedigree' diet would probably have been more effective if he'd opted for the 'Chum' rather than the 'Marstons' variety. Special mention should go to Neil's cunning policy of looking thinner by always standing next to blokes who are more rotund than you.

Talk after choir practice did include whether we should nominate a charity (other than the Beer Fund) which might benefit in probably a (very) small way from the trip... there were no sensible ideas so please comment below if you, the people of Britain, have any suggestions. We're not going on a crusade or anything but you know how gullible Americans can be and we might be able to fleece them of a few bucks for a good cause.

Message to Mr Willie Walsh, CEO, British Airways...

Dear Mr Walsh,

I would be very grateful if you would tell your lazy, commie-left-wing, money grabbing, 'they really dont know when they're well off and if they've got time to go on strike they're not working hard enough and should try living in the real world' staff to cancel their strike plans as vitally important world events will be gravely affected if the gentlemen of the Red Lion Bikers have to spend the first three days of their Tour of the USA riding baggage trolleys around Terminal 5 rather than BMWs around California.

We all know that Virgin are better and we didn't choose to fly with the 'World's favourite airline' but as we're stuck with you... get it sorted!

Kind Regards,

Disgruntled of Ashbourne

Well what was months away is now but a few weeks and the conversation around the alter of the Church of St Terence of Hollington involves little other than talk of the trip and of course running the book on who will be the first to drop out. Of course, anyone not among the congregation at the time is sure to come in for the most abuse but it shows the considerate nature of our happy band that we at least wait til a person has left the room before talking about them!

The author, in advance, apologises unreservedly for any offence caused to anyone written about in these pages and undertakes to dish stick out to himself as much as to anyone else.

Feel free to add your own comments... maybe good luck messages of 'bon voyage'? (or 'good riddance' for that matter), anyway, all are welcome. CC